For a submissive male who’s new to the world of BDSM, finding answers is intimidating. Whether or not you are actually a sub is one of the first questions to ask.
Why do you fantasize about powerful women? Where will this preference lead you? How do you find the right Domme? All of these questions have an answer, and your journey to submission starts here.
On the bright side, there are millions of excellent resources available to help you explore your kinks. This guide, written by a female Domme in hopes that it crosses paths with an interested male sub, is one of them.
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What Is the Definition of a Submissive Male?
A submissive male, also known as a “sub”, is a man who prefers to be subservient and obedience to their Domme. The act of submission is a form of BDSM (Bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadism/masochism).
A male submissive can come in all shapes and sizes, but it boils down to giving control to the Dominant partner.
It’s important to realize that submission to a partner does not equal femininity. Can a submissive be feminine? Yes. But, it’s not a requirement to do so. It’s less about the person’s gender identity and more about what they want sexually or in a relationship.
Anyone who can legally consent is able to submit, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity.
Is Being Submissive Online Authentic or Fake?
It is true that submission in real life is nuanced and complex. Think of it in terms of a long distance relationship. Despite there being miles between two partners, they still experience the feelings, commitment, and complexities of a relationship.
With a long distance relationship still being valid to the two partners, comparing that to online submission is the easy way to say: Yes, submitting to a Domme virtually is valid. It takes just as much effort, and submissives who enjoy online interactions aren’t fake.
Most submissive males prefer talking to FemDoms virtually due to privacy, safety, and personal concerns.
For many, BDSM is taboo. Many people can’t live loud and proud with their kinks for various reasons. Those reasons may include:
- A career demanding privacy
- A community (family, friends, etc.) who wouldn’t accept it
- Fear of being harshly judged or ostracized by their community
- Fear of disappointing their loved ones
- They don’t want others to see them as a weak or odd person
- Sex shame
- Denial
- Some people don’t want their sexual habits to be public
- Some people simply value their privacy
All of these reasons are valid! There’s no comfort in airing your dirty laundry to the world. So, submitting on the internet is the solution that many male subs take to secure themselves.
The safest avenue for a submissive male who values anonymity includes signing up to a verified site, using an anonymous username, and not sharing information that’s too personal.
Just because you are a submissive male doesn’t mean that your safety should be compromised.
The FemDom EXPERIENCE
The Traits of a Submissive Man
Overall, you’ll never be able to know if someone is Dominant or submissive just by looking at them. Yes, one can infer, and it’s usually easier to do so with more experience. But, we shouldn’t assume things about people we don’t know.
Instead, you can ask yourself the following questions.
- Are you particularly interested in women with authority?
- Would you not mind if a partner controlled your relationship and sex life?
- Do you want powerful women to Dominate you sexually?
- Does the thought of following orders get your dick hard?
- When I say “subservience,” does that intrigue you?
- Do successful Dommes make you weak at the knees?
- Are you horny when a confident woman tells you what to do?
- Does the thought of being disciplined turn you on?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may be a submissive man. Welcome to your sexy new world of BDSM. Here’s a masterlist of kinks for you to explore.
The Masculine Desire to Serve Online Dommes
A submissive male is not inherently feminine. What’s effeminate about being a provider, anticipating the needs of your partner, and fulfilling her every desire? If anything, the ability to provide is a strongly masculine trait.
A submissive has a choice when he interacts with online Dommes. He can let his useless ego get the best of him and try to control the situation. Or, he can thrive in an online relationship with a FemDom.
A female led relationship fulfills everyone’s needs. But, if you aren’t willing to relinquish that control, you will never benefit from a FemDom Goddess.
When you approach her, you are the one asking for the favor. If she decides that you are worth the effort, be thankful.
Why Is FemDom So Popular?
On almost every corner of the internet, you can find FemDom. From my observations, it’s getting more popular every year. This could be for a few reasons:
- More submissive men are becoming comfortable with the thought of being Dominated.
- More women are intrigued at the thought of being in control.
- Women are tired of men being in a position of power and express that sexually.
- Men are tired of being the ones in control of their jobs, home life, and other responsibilities; leading to them needing an escape.
- Female led relationships are hot.
So with Dommes taking back more power, and male subs willingly giving up their power, you get a surge in female dominance. As a dominant woman myself, I have no complaints. 😉
The First Time I Turned the Tables on a Submissive Man
For the longest time, I knew that I was a switch. But, I never got the opportunity to properly dominate a male sub. When I finally got comfortable enough to try it, it was with a man who enjoyed small penis humiliation.
Before we continue, imagine this.
I am a strongly body positive person. It’s hard to get me to call someone ugly, lesser than, disgusting, or a loser. However, once I realized that consent is key, it was a gamechanger.
So, my first time flipping the script on a male submissive changed my entire outlook. It was fun, and he let me explore that dominant side with very little protest.
On the other end of things, I always wanted to dominate men who weren’t naturally submissive. Think, partners “trying something new” in bed or exploring kinks together. There was never a feeling of them being into it, so we stopped pretty quickly.
But, my first experience with a truly subservient man changed my outlook on relationships. I understood that their dedication, eagerness to please, and willingness to follow my commands couldn’t be faked.
I never looked back after that.
Read about my other kinks, fetishes, and preferences.
The Power Dynamic Is Appealing, but How Will You Serve?
Getting back to the power dynamic, how can you tell? If you’re a submissive man, what should you do to express that to a potential Domme?
Here are a few tips:
Messaging every Domme, dick in hand, thinking about all of the ways she’s going to make you blow your load; erase that from your brain.
It’s not about your cock.
The attraction revolves around more than the power dynamic. If you message a Domme, expecting them to please you, you might as well be trying to date in the vanilla world.
No Domme is going to be attracted to yet another man using her as a cum vessel. Put your best foot forward.
Ask yourself:
How will you be useful? What can you do to make her day better and meet her desires? In what ways can you, as a submissive man, show that it’s less about you and more about her?
How my submissives take initiative, show their masculinity, and serve me at the same time:
- Picking up my tab on any bill for the month.
- Public adoration, especially on Twitter.
- Listening to my requests and obeying them completely.
- One of my rules is, don’t ask if you aren’t willing to give. A new habit should be giving before asking.
- Sending money if my mood seems off for the day.
- Anticipating my desires without having to ask.
- Allowing me to control parts of their real-life, usually in the form of self-improvement, work success, financial improvement, and being a better, healthier person. (Of course, this all trickles back to me.)
What Do Dominant Females Want From a Male Sub?
When looking for a male sub, Dominant women consider different qualities. Some Domme’s like to focus on physical characteristics, while others like a man who is respectful and obedient.
Before dedicating yourself to the hottest Domme you see search for signs that you are compatible.
Not everyone is into your particular fetishes, so consider that before approaching the wrong FemDom. However, that shouldn’t make you shy away. The best thing you can do is be upfront and ask. Communication is key.
How to Communicate With a New Potential Domme
If you are completely new to the act of submission, your first approach is nerve-wracking. You found a beautiful FemDom Goddess whose authority leaks through the screen. How do you introduce yourself?
Communication tips for new submissive males:
1. Introduce yourself, and give respect.
Check if she requires a tribute to even begin a conversation. If she does, send before speaking. When you’re ready, a respectful introduction that mentions your particular kinks, preferences, and how you’d like to explore them helps. If you’d like to be more casual or get to know her, be upfront with that as well.
2. Ask questions.
Asking questions does two things.
- One, it shows her your interest by making an effort to learn more about her.
- Two, you get to gauge whether you two are a good fit.
3. Be honest.
Open communication keeps confusion at bay. If you are upfront about your interests and limits, she’ll understand you better. Like in a regular relationship, keeping secrets (especially if they are essential to play) can potentially damage the Domme/sub dynamic.
4. Listen.
Her responses will tell you everything you should know. To stay on the same page, ask for clarification when needed. When she gives advice or tries to direct you, show that you understand.
5. Be patient.
Depending on the Domme/sub dynamic, think of approaching as the start of a relationship. Trust isn’t instant, nor should it be. Take your time exploring how the two of you get along, and don’t expect for things to be perfect overnight.
What I Look for in a Male Submissive